Is it that Shy Kid or is it Introverted?
Read This and Find Out: a blog featuring shy kids, introverted and acting.
(This article was originally published on The Huffington Post. It has been republished here with permission.)
I may be the only person in the world to have directed a movie about shyness that features an all-Shy Kid cast, but sadly I am not the only one who’s asked this question.
A lot of people equate “shy” with “introvert”. They are not the same thing.
I’ve met many shy kids who were extroverts, many introverted kids who were not shy and many who were both.
Shy Kids: Shyness is the fear of negative judgment, and the behavior that stems from that fear. Shyness can affect all areas of life; work, school, performance, public speaking and more. Introverts: A preference for quiet, minimally stimulating environments. Introverts feel depleted by social situations; they prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a
They say that all the world’s a stage. Yet introverts are not usually comfortable with that notion. They tend to be shy and reserved and are often uncomfortable in the spotlight.
This is especially true of shy kids. Shy kids can be painfully nervous when performing for others, including their families and friends. Yet many children have been taught that acting is a good way for them to gain confidence and make new friends.
Is this phenomenon of acting for a cause really a good idea for shy kids?
The answer really depends on the child and the motivation behind taking part in the play or performance.
If your child is naturally outgoing, there should be no problem putting him or her on stage. Likewise, if your child has a crush on someone in the drama group, then by all means encourage him or her to join. However, if your child is quiet and unassuming, you may want to think twice before encouraging him or her to perform.
Some children become more self-confident after performing than they were before, but this may not be the case with your shy child. You can tell when your child becomes more confident because he or she will speak up more often in class or participate more in activities outside of school. If you notice that your kid stays
I’m often asked to speak about the differences between introverts and shy people. I always start out by saying that it’s important to make a distinction between the two because the way you treat an introverted child is quite different from the way you would approach a shy child.
The first thing to know is that being shy is more of a temporary state, while being an introvert is more of a permanent trait. Shyness can be overcome with practice, but introversion is here to stay.
Shyness revolves around anxiety in social situations. An introverted child may not feel anxious around people, but she still needs quiet time and space to recharge after being around others.
So how do you help your shy child? The most important thing is to avoid labeling your child as “shy.” Labels stick and they don’t help anyone. If you say “My daughter is so shy,” that’s going to become part of her identity and she will begin to believe it.
Instead, simply describe what you see your child doing: “My daughter doesn’t like talking in front of people yet. She just needs more practice.” Or if your child complains about being
There are a lot of kids out there who are shy and introverted. We often wonder what is going on with them. Is it just shyness? Or is it more? What can I do to help my child?
Sadly, many schools and communities are not always equipped or able to help them, either.
But rest assured, there is hope! Many children with social anxiety disorder (SAD) and selective mutism (SM) can benefit from treatment with the right professional. And parents can help their children at home too!
In this blog, you will find practical tips and resources to help you learn more about your child so that you can advocate for him/her in school and in the community. You will also find useful tips to help your child at home.
In his book, The Introvert Advantage, Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D. claims this is a myth. In fact, introverts are often better at acting than extroverts because they can more easily get into character. “Introverts have greater access to their inner world of images and feelings,” she says.
What about shyness? Laney says that some people confuse shyness with introversion. But the two are not the same thing. Shyness is a fear of social judgment. Introversion is a preference for quiet, minimally stimulating environments. Shy people can be outgoing in situations where they know they will not be judged or criticized (like assuming a role on stage). Introverts often enjoy short periods of socializing but need time alone to recharge after being around others for even a short period of time.
At first glance it might seem odd that so many actors are introverted and shy. But when you consider that many of them were drawn to the profession because acting gave them an outlet to express their emotions and thoughts, it makes sense that they would be attracted to this profession in particular.
I know I am not alone. When I talk to other actors, the one thing we all seem to have in common is that we are introverts. That does not mean that we are all shy or socially awkward, but it does mean that we function better when we have time alone to recharge. We tend to be more sensitive than our extroverted counterparts and process information internally. But being an introverted actor is a contradiction because acting is all about showing yourself on the outside. So how do you reconcile this? How do you make your two worlds work together?
I think it starts with awareness. When I first heard of introversion, I was shocked. All of my life I had been told by teachers, parents and friends that I needed to come out of my shell. But now I realize that my shell was actually just where I am most comfortable, and being different than everyone else doesn’t make me wrong; it makes me unique. Introversion is not a bad thing; it is a different thing. And as long as you understand who you are and find ways to maximize your strengths, you can use your introvert status to your advantage.
Here are some tips for working with your introverted nature:
I found this blog from a comment on one of my other posts, and I started reading. Then I couldn’t stop. This blog is about introverted kids, but it’s also about parenting, and being a kid, and how our culture is so focused on extroverts that it makes introverted kids miserable.
The author is clearly an introvert herself, and she writes with precision, accuracy, and humor about the details of what it feels like to be an introvert: how the endless chatter of extroverts is like fingernails on a blackboard; how you need to get ready for a big social event in advance so that you can build up your energy reserves; how you have to force yourself to go out with your friends even when you’d rather stay home because otherwise they’ll stop inviting you.
But the author is also a mother of two children, an introvert and an extrovert. She doesn’t just describe what introversion feels like; she describes the problems that result from her husband’s failure to understand it, or her own failure to explain it well enough. She’s not just talking about her experience as an adult; she’s talking about how to raise the next generation better than we were raised ourselves.
