I’ve been blogging at Do You Know the Difference Between ADHD and Acting up? for about a year. I started this blog because of the many parents who have approached me with questions regarding ADHD vs. acting up. It’s not an easy question to answer and it takes much time to give a good answer. I figured that if I had a blog where I could post the information and then send the link, it would save me some time, and help those who are looking for answers.
I write posts about what ADHD is, how to diagnosis it, how it affects children and how it affects adults. I also write posts about how to help kids with ADHD do better in school and social situations, as well as parenting topics such as discipline, sleep problems and parenting children with different temperaments.
I am a licensed clinical psychologist with over 15 years experience in conducting psychological evaluations for ADHD and other learning disabilities in children and adults. I have worked in a number of different settings including private practice, hospital outpatient departments, public schools, community mental health centers, rehabilitation centers for brain injury patients, college counseling centers and psychiatric hospitals.
I am very excited about starting this blog because I think that its a great way to get information out to people who may not otherwise have access to
How do you know when your child is acting up, or if they have ADHD? This is a question that many parents ask me. The real answer is that only time will tell. In my opinion, most children act up at times, and this is normal.
However, there are some characteristics that are more typical of ADHD than with just acting up. For example:
Consistent behavior issues
Behavior issues that tend to be worse in certain situations
Behavior issues that seem to be out of character for the child
I am not a doctor. I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist, either. I am not even the mother of a child with ADHD!
My connection to ADHD is that I was a teacher for many years, and at least in my opinion, it is teachers who have the hardest time understanding ADHD.
I know this from experience because when I was teaching, I had no idea how to deal with children who were acting up. Nor did most of my fellow teachers. We didn’t understand what we were seeing and we didn’t know what to do about it.
As a result, children who acted out were punished more than they should have been, often more than was healthy for them, and their learning suffered as a result. And they, too often, came to believe that they were “bad” and “stupid.”
When my own young son began displaying some of these symptoms, I was shocked to discover that there was an explanation for his behavior: he was ADD!
Recently, I was asked to speak at a conference on ADHD. The conference theme was helping parents identify whether their child had ADHD or if they were just “acting up.”
I would like to start by saying that I am in no way an expert on children. I am an expert on adult ADHD, but not on children. So, for the purpose of this blog post, I will tell you about what I have learned from parents, teachers, and other experts that I have worked with over the years.
First of all, let’s clarify what the term “acting up” means. When we talk about “acting up” it is usually understood as misbehaving. Misbehavior can be defined as tangible actions that are in violation of a rule or expectation (e.g., hitting, cursing, pushing), but it can also refer to things that may not be tangible (e.g., lack of organization).
When we think about misbehaving kids, we tend to assume that there is a reason for the behavior: perhaps the child has been treated unfairly; maybe the child is angry because his/her feelings were hurt; or perhaps there is a lack of communication and understanding between the parent and the child. Usually there is some external factor causing the behavior.
Have you ever wondered if what your child is exhibiting is ADHD or just being a kid? I have.
Well, I have been taking my son to the counselor for about 5 years now and in the beginning she would ask me if he was acting out because of things like abuse or neglect. I felt so bad having to say no to those questions but he was just acting out. He had terrible temper tantrums, refused to follow directions and wanted his way in everything. He was very easily frustrated and would yell at me, kick me and hit me.
This went on until he was about 8 years old and then I could no longer take it. I knew that his behavior was not normal but I also wasn’t sure that he had ADHD. The more research I did the more convinced I became that he did indeed have ADHD.
I put him on medication and it changed our lives! He is 15 now and still takes medication for ADHD but he can function like a normal child now instead of an angry child with a short fuse all the time. He gets good grades and even has friends now!
Parenting a child with ADHD is a tough job. Parenting a child who acts up is also tough. What makes it even harder is not understanding that these are two separate issues.
The biggest problem in the ADHD world today is the confusion about children who act up. They do not have ADHD but they need to be managed differently than other kids.
When children act up, they are trying to get something they want or avoid something they don’t want, or both. That’s what acting up is all about. If you can figure out just what your child wants/doesn’t want and can give them appropriate rewards/consequences, you’ll see a big change in their behavior.
Here are some common examples:
Child wants attention so he acts up – so he gets attention (even negative attention). You can solve this by giving the child positive attention when he behaves well and ignoring him when he’s acting up (unless his safety is at risk).
Child wants to avoid doing her homework – so she acts up and doesn’t have to do it (and no one says anything about it). Solve this by making sure the child does her homework every night as part of her routine – no matter what!
Child wants to avoid going to bed –
When we think about ADHD, we typically imagine a child who is acting up. He can’t sit still and is constantly fidgeting. His mind wanders off, and he daydreams when he should be listening. He can’t seem to stay on task, and his performance in school is suffering as a result.
This is the stereotypical ADHD child, but it’s not the only one. In fact, many children with ADHD are acting in—not acting up. These children tend to be overlooked because they don’t stand out in the classroom or exhibit disruptive behaviors at home. But they are struggling just as much as their acting up peers. The only difference is that they struggle internally instead of externally.
Here are some common internal struggles these children face:
